Friday, September 23, 2011

Zombie Tale from: Kathleen McKenna

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by Kathleen McKenna
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Scene, the office of Vvb our moderator for this interview, Two guest Zombies are waiting nervously for the entrance of their hostess, while they wait, they do a little harmonizing.

Please don't talk about flesh tonight.
Please don't talk about sweet flesh.
Please don't talk about her skin being blue
and all of the trouble we've been through.
Ah, please don't talk about all of the plans
we had for fixin' this broken romance, my girl is real dead and I ate her head and now I want to go where the people dance.
I want some action ... I want to live! I want to eat some heads cuz it aint no sin

I got so much to give.
I want to give it. I want to get some fresh flesh too.

Oh, I ... Ohhh I ... I love the nightlife,
I got to boogie on the disco 'round, oh yea.
Oh, I love the night life I want to eat heads I want to eat em and then dance with you.

“Yo Chomp Chomp Chewy Chomp, we done been punked man, this aint no recording studio, this here is some readers blog site, and does this place look like L.A. to you?”

“Hey Eat em slow, I hear you man, this is a set up we was brought here under false pretenses as it were.”

“I know it Chompy, but the letter said…”

“Yeah it said we was being invited to a free recording session of our new song, well I mean it’s a remake but still-“

“A damn fine remake Chompy.”

“I hear you, but as you can see, or uhm can you, I lost both my eyeballs today on the way here, I’ll check the BART lost and found later, damn rot, and you know our health plan is for crap I can’t get into a dermatologist for love or money Eat em my friend, it’s a sin”

“Hey Chompy, take a deep breath, I mean er well you know uhm what I mean, what I’m trying to say man is I know our health plans suck and that’s lame about your eyeballs, but later on tonight lets head on down to L.A. its Emmy season we’ll score a few heads and pick you out a pair of primo new eyeballs man. Maybe George Clooney’s? You think you’re a lady killer now Chomp you wait till I pop old George’s peepers into your sockets, hows that sound?”

“Sounds damn fine Eat my man, damn fine, you know before this last round of rot set in there were those and I aint naming names who said I had a little look of Clooney about me.”

Background sound of phlegmy choking laughter.

“Oh yeah Chomp, maybe in full darkness man.” Sounds of scuffling followed by the sound of something striking the floor with a wet splat.

“You son of a zombie whore Chomp, you done pulled off my ear and I just got that yesterday while I was attending the G.O.P. debates, Damn it that was Rick Perry’s actual ear too and one of the best I’ve ever had what the hell man?”

“Sorry, sorry Eat dude, I was…well it hurt my feelings what you said about me and Clooney, it was a real nice ear, tasted good too, I’ll get you a new one later, we still cool man?”

“Yeah Chomp we cool, but listen what are we here for if we don’t get to talk about our music, our quest to bring back disco?”

Vvb the site host walks into the room, gasps and throws open the windows, both Chomp and Eat em howl in protest.

Vvb: Gentleman I apologize for making you wait, and is there a problem with the windows being opened your erm cologne is a little overwhelming, I apologize.

Chomp Chomp Chewy Chomp: Yes there is a problem you stupid woman, Zombies, or as we prefer to be called Dead Americans are very sensitive to cold and your ugly city has terrible weather, moreover I’d like to point out that my companion and I Eat em slow−

Eat em slow: Oh hey call me Eat, Eat em Slow is my dad.

Vvb: Okay thanks Eat, Chomp, I want to thank you both for−

Chomp Chomp Chewy Chomp: I wasn’t finished we are both wearing Zombie Kill by Gautlier, make sure you spell that right, we have an endorsement contract and−

Eat em slow: Geez Chomp, let the lady finish.

Vvb: Thank you Eat, as I was saying thank you both for coming, this is a site for books and this month we are talking about books favored by Zom−erm I mean by Dead Americans which is why you were asked to come here. I’m hoping you’ll share with us some of the reading material that you feel best represents your lifestyle.

Chomp Chomp Chewy Chomp: Well Vvb, as you can see I’m presently missing my eyeballs and I cant say that I’m much of a reader in general I prefer internet porn.

Vvb: Thank you Mr. Chewy Chomp, what about you Eat?”

Eat em Slow: Well Vvb I’m glad you asked, because I like to think of myself as a Dead American of some literary taste.

Vvb: Please Eat, tell my readers then what books you yourself enjoy.

Eat em slow: Well as I say I like to think of myself as a Dead American of some literary taste, I cant say I’ve actually ever read a book.

Vvb: Oh I see, well pardon me but can I ask why you two agreed to be on my blog cast then?

Chomp Chomp Chewy Chomp: Vvb let me take this one, we understood this was a recording studio, you see Eat and I are musicians, musicians devoted to the lost sounds from the great Disco era and we were hoping that this would give us an opportunity to showcase a few of our new tracks.

Vvb: Gentleman its my site and my rules so please be my guests, why don’t you give my followers a little…erm taste of what they can expect from your upcoming album.

Eat em Slow: Oh great thank you Miss Vvb, Chomp you ready?

Chomp Chomp Chewy Chomp: You know me Eat I’m always ready, okay this here number is a remake of Miss Anita Wards, Ring my Bell, listen up.

Sounds of hacking and a slapping sound, muttered curses as Chomp Chomp Chomp Chewy Chomps tongue is retrieved from the floor.

Chomp and Eat:

I can eat your head head head eat your head
I can eat your head head head eat your head, your head eat your head
I can eat your head head head head eat your head
Your head eat your head.

Vvb: Thank you so much gentleman for that stirring rendition, and readers please check my site for upcoming appearances from our new friends Chomp and Eat, for all of you out there happy September, the month when we remember our Zom-Dead American Friends as well as those lost in the tragedy of 911!


Guest post created for September Zombies event by Kathleen McKenna, author of The Wedding Gift
© 2011. All rights reserved.

Visit Kathleen:

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by Kathleen McKenna
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The Wedding Gift
by Kathleen McKenna
(the pre-cover cover)
-ghost, horror
Release date: October 2011

READ and excerpt of the first 4 chapters here!
-courtesy of publisher


* header image source, disco zombie

=== September Zombies schedule ===

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