by The Lonely Island
with Michael Bolton
After meeting Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirate Bolton came up with this ditty...
Intercom: Guys Michael Bolton is here
Andy: Oh great, send him in.
Michael: Hey guys
All: Hey thanks for coming.
Andy: How’s it goin’?
Michael: I’m really sorry I’m late I just got caught up watching the Pirates of the Caribbean marathon…have you seen those things?
All: Oh yeah, those are great.
Michael: Well I listened to your track and I loved it, and I wrote you this big, sexy hook I think you’re gonna really dig.
Andy: Oh wow, that’s great. You wanna just lay it down?
Michael: Boys lets get to it (to it to it to it)
Andy: Here we go
Uh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton (Michael: YEAH)
The night starts now
The boys are back
The night starts now
The night starts now, baby, roll with us
Chickies snappin’ at the neck when we rollin’ up (Michael: Rollin’up!)
Club front doors ain’t no holdin’ up
Black card at the bar like I gives a f**k (Michael: Come on!)
Jorma: It’s The Lonely Island
Welcome to the set
Some fellas lookin’ jealous
Play that back and get wet (Michael: YEAH YEAH)
??? at my waist shank in my sock
You either get cut get stuffed or get shot
Michael: This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow
Pirate so brave on the seven seas (Andy: What?)
A mystical quest to the isle of Tortuga
Raven locks sway on the ocean breeze
Akiva: Yeah, that was kinda weird but we’re back in the club
Buyin’ out the bar so the groupies show us love (Michael: Keira Knightley!)
A fifth of ice man
I’m the top gunna
Heater on blast
I’m the number one stunna (Michael: Jack Sparrow!)
Andy: Watch your girl because I ain’t your mister nice guy
More like the meet ya take you home and f**k you twice guy
All dressed up with nowhere to run
I know I make you feel crazy when I—
Michael: Now back to the good part!!!)
One day he was born
He yearned for adventure (Andy: NO!)
Oh Captain Jack (Jorma: Yeah)
He’s the pauper of the surf
The jester of Tortuga
But in Davy Jones locker
What lies in store? (Akiva: Yeah, we’ve seen the movie)
Andy: Put your hands in the air
And say hell yeah
Michael: Captain Jack (Andy: What?)
Johnny Depp (Andy: No)
Jorma: From the front to the back
Saying we count stacks c’mon
Michael: Davy Jones (Jorma: Nope)
Giant squid (Jorma: Wrong)
Akiva: Michael Bolton, we’re really gonna need you to focus up
Michael: Roger that let me try it with another film (Andy: Wait)
Life is a box of chocolates and my name is Forrest Gump (Andy: Not better)
Though I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed
I give Jenny all my love (Akiva: Come ON)
Okay, then I’m a legal aid
Erin Brockovich is my name (Akiva: Oh god)
Then you can call me Scarface
Snortin’ mountains of cocaine (Andy: It doesn’t matter)
You cockroaches wanna play rough?
Okay, I’m reloaded! HA HA!
This is the tale of Tony Montana
This is the tale!
Cool ??? flame
With Miami ???
Your coke is polluted
This whole town’s a pussy
Just waiting to get f**d
Just waiting to get f**d! (Andy: Okay it turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile)
You complete me (Andy: Yeah, yeah okay)
* source lyrics
* first spotted this at Neatorama