Friday, May 13, 2011

Pirate Bolton

Jack Sparrow
by The Lonely Island
with Michael Bolton

After meeting Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirate Bolton came up with this ditty...

Intercom: Guys Michael Bolton is here

Andy: Oh great, send him in.

Michael: Hey guys

All: Hey thanks for coming.

Andy: How’s it goin’?

Michael: I’m really sorry I’m late I just got caught up watching the Pirates of the Caribbean marathon…have you seen those things?

All: Oh yeah, those are great.

Michael: Well I listened to your track and I loved it, and I wrote you this big, sexy hook I think you’re gonna really dig.

Andy: Oh wow, that’s great. You wanna just lay it down?

Michael: Boys lets get to it (to it to it to it)

Andy: Here we go

Uh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton (Michael: YEAH)

The night starts now

On track

The boys are back

The night starts now

The night starts now, baby, roll with us

Chickies snappin’ at the neck when we rollin’ up (Michael: Rollin’up!)

Club front doors ain’t no holdin’ up

Black card at the bar like I gives a f**k (Michael: Come on!)

Jorma: It’s The Lonely Island

Welcome to the set

Some fellas lookin’ jealous

Play that back and get wet (Michael: YEAH YEAH)

??? at my waist shank in my sock

You either get cut get stuffed or get shot

Michael: This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow

Pirate so brave on the seven seas (Andy: What?)

A mystical quest to the isle of Tortuga

Raven locks sway on the ocean breeze

Akiva: Yeah, that was kinda weird but we’re back in the club

Buyin’ out the bar so the groupies show us love (Michael: Keira Knightley!)

A fifth of ice man

I’m the top gunna

Heater on blast

I’m the number one stunna (Michael: Jack Sparrow!)

Andy: Watch your girl because I ain’t your mister nice guy

More like the meet ya take you home and f**k you twice guy

All dressed up with nowhere to run

I know I make you feel crazy when I—

Michael: Now back to the good part!!!)

One day he was born

He yearned for adventure (Andy: NO!)

Oh Captain Jack (Jorma: Yeah)


He’s the pauper of the surf

The jester of Tortuga

But in Davy Jones locker

What lies in store? (Akiva: Yeah, we’ve seen the movie)

Andy: Put your hands in the air

And say hell yeah

Michael: Captain Jack (Andy: What?)

Johnny Depp (Andy: No)

Jorma: From the front to the back

Saying we count stacks c’mon

Michael: Davy Jones (Jorma: Nope)

Giant squid (Jorma: Wrong)

Akiva: Michael Bolton, we’re really gonna need you to focus up

Michael: Roger that let me try it with another film (Andy: Wait)

Life is a box of chocolates and my name is Forrest Gump (Andy: Not better)

Though I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed

I give Jenny all my love (Akiva: Come ON)

Okay, then I’m a legal aid

Erin Brockovich is my name (Akiva: Oh god)

Then you can call me Scarface

Snortin’ mountains of cocaine (Andy: It doesn’t matter)

You cockroaches wanna play rough?

Okay, I’m reloaded! HA HA!

This is the tale of Tony Montana

This is the tale!

Cool ??? flame

With Miami ???

European wife

Your coke is polluted

This whole town’s a pussy

Just waiting to get f**d

Just waiting to get f**d! (Andy: Okay it turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile)

You complete me (Andy: Yeah, yeah okay)


* source lyrics

* first spotted this at Neatorama

~-~~-~ ...and a bottle o'rum schedule ~-~~-~


  1. I watched last Saturday's SNL OnDemand last night so I saw this and I laughed SO hard. Who knew that Michael Bolton had those kind of chops. Hilarious!

  2. OMG! I almost peed myself I laughed so hard. Thanks for that. :)

  3. Thank you for posting! I LOVE it! XD


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