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Gryffindor Girl: Hi Snape! Thanks for agreeing to do this interview, much appreciated.
Snape: Call me Half Blood Prince.
Gryffindor Girl: Wow, really?
Half Blood Prince: Yes, really.
Gryffindor Girl: Thanks. Okay Half Blood Prince, the first question I want to ask you is... did you like the way you were killed off in the last book?
Half Blood Prince: I suppose that’s a good a place to start as any. The answer’s no.
Gryffindor Girl: Huh?
Half Blood Prince: I was killed by a snake of all things. A poisonous snake. I am the Potions Master. I don’t like ironic deaths.
Gryffindor Girl: Oh, but it was really excit-
Half Blood Prince: Also, I wanted to duel with The Dark Lord finally after all those years undercover, not McGonagall.
Gryffindor Girl: Okay, but that was-
Half Blood Prince: And where was my SPEECH? I’m as much of a villain as the next. I have the greasy hair, the hooked nose, the sallow skin and I’m also bat like for added effect. You know what? I think I need to have a serious talk with J.K Rowling instead of you.
Gryffindor Girl: Erm, okay. I think I can sort that out for you. In the meantime, here’s another important question. Did you really love Lily?
Half Blood Prince: *something stirs in those dark eyes* Have you even read the books Gryffindor Girl or are you this thick headed all the time?
Gryffindor Girl: *quakes in fear*
Half Blood Prince: Of course I loved her. Love her still.
Gryffindor Girl: You were best friends weren’t you?
Half Blood Prince: We were and would’ve remained so if it wasn’t for that insufferable James Potter.
Gryffindor Girl: Well, she did love him... Do you think things would’ve turned out differently if you’d been in Gryffindor House too?
Half Blood Prince: I know they would’ve. For one thing, I would’ve had my best friend still. I would’ve stopped that James Potter from coming anywhere near her. I wouldn’t have got into the Dark Arts. It’s all down to that damned Sorting Hat.
Gryffindor Girl: It’s down to the person isn’t it?
Half Blood Prince: Please. What about that snivelling rat Peter? You can’t tell me I’m not braver or more chivalrous than him.
Gryffindor Girl: I know what you mean. That Sorting Hat moves in mysterious ways. I come from a long line of Hufflepuffs so I feel like an outcast at family gatherings.
Half Blood Prince: I used to ask that silly hat to change his mind...so many times... he didn’t though. Obviously.
Gryffindor Girl: You actually did that? I can’t imagine you doing that. I never thought for a moment that you’d want to be in Gryffindor but it makes sense. I think this interview’s brought out a really different side to you, the softer side that we didn’t get to see much of in the books. The Prince’s Tale was one of my most favourite chapters. Made me bawl like a baby.
Half Blood Prince: Thank you. I’m glad it had that effect on you. I know I’ve got fans out there rooting for me. A lot of people like me more than Harry Potter and I can’t say I’m surprised. What’s there to like about Potter?
Gryffindor Girl: That’s rhetorical right? Another question. What are your thoughts on the Harry Potter movies?
Half Blood Prince: Alan Rickman tries his best, I’m sure... but he’ll never be as good as me, the original. The others? I’m not one to hand out compliments.
Gryffindor Girl: Typical. Okay, last question. What do you like to do in your spare time?
Half Blood Prince: Apart from brewing poisonous potions and making voodoo dolls of James Potter? I write poetry.
Gryffindor Girl: *Excitedly* Poetry! I love poetry. Share some with me please.
Half Blood Prince: Well, I’ve only just started but since you’re so adamant, here’s a taster. It’s the first Harry Potter book in verse. Enjoy. *Pulls out a notebook from inside his cloak pocket, turns to the correct page and clears throat*
His Aunt and Uncle were unbearable.
In the cupboard they made him stay,
Amongst the spiders and dust he lay.
Silently he wept,
And of flying motorbikes he dreamt.
Always last and never first,
Made him feel as if he was cursed.
Made to wear Dudley's extra large clothes,
Sellotaped glasses upon his nose.
Teased and used as Dudley's punch bag,
Made everyday a bore and a drag.
Lucky to be allowed to go to the zoo,
Stare open-mouthed was all Harry could do.
A giant snake was all that he could see,
Before he knew it, he'd set it free.
One morning at breakfast the letter came,
Harry was shocked to see his name.
Who could it be?
He didn't even get a letter from the library.
Uncle Vernon went absolutely mad,
Even Dudley agreed there was something wrong with his dad.
To the Hut on the Rock they at last ended up,
Uncle Vernon had finally given up.
With a crash and a boom,
That shook the room,
Entered the Keeper of the Keys, Hagrid,
Everyone except Harry hid.
On Harry's birthday the truth came out,
He was a wizard; there was no doubt.
Gryffindor Girl: Wow. That was beautiful. You’ll be giving the Sorting Hat a run for its money! Also, did you realise it was really sympathetic to Harry?
Half Blood Prince: Sympathetic to Harry? Major revisions are needed in that case.
Gryffindor Girl: Thanks Half Blood Prince, this interview has been a pleasure!
Half Blood Prince: I wish I could say the same.
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