Sunday, October 24, 2010

Alice, Caterpillar and WereCat


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by Crystal Johnson
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Alice wouldn't have known that she had somehow wandered into Wonderland if it hadn't been for the rocking horse chair fly that buzzed in her face and flew off. For all she knew, all that was in front and back, east and west of her was woods and more woods. She held Dinah in her arms tighter the deeper they stepped into the forest.

“No one believes me except you, Dinah,” Alice said this more for herself than for Dinah's sake. She feared she was lost and perhaps not even anywhere near Wonderland, or home, for that matter. Maybe she imagined the little horsefly. She thought about looking for Wonderland another day and just continue to walk in a very straight line so eventually, she'll end up back where she started from.

Alice noted that the mushrooms started to increase in size (or was she the one decreasing?) and variation of color. It wasn't long before the mushrooms reveled her height.

"Geez, Dinah. You seem to be getting heavier by the minute. Would you be content if I didn't carry you anymore?" Before Alice could set the cat down, the cat pushed its back legs against her arms, jumped several feet into the air, and left Alice alone with fresh scratches. Alice started to chase after the cat but she couldn't see where it went, as the moon slipped behind a cloud at the moment, hiding its yellow face, and darkness prevailed.

Alice, having lost Dinah, wanted to cry. She sat down, with her head in her hands and waited for the tears to flow.

“You are a funny looking flower,” said a smoking caterpillar. She (Alice guessed a "she", since the creature had long, flowing hair) slithered down from atop a toad stool and held Alice's dress up with its many hands. Alice, startled, pushed the caterpillar's hands away. “What do you think you're doing?” she demanded.

The caterpillar inhaled and then said simply, “Your petals are drooping.”

“I'm not a flower, I'm a teenage girl,” Alice remarked.

"What's a teenage girl?" the caterpillar asked.

Alice thought for half a moment, "It's like being in between a girl and a woman."

"Oh, yes. Like a werewolf," supposed the caterpillar.

"I am not anything like a werewolf!" Alice started to storm off but just then Dinah, now a small bear with sharp gleaming claws, jumped through the bushes she was hiding in and rubbed against Alice's legs.

"Dinah, you naughty, naughty cat!" exclaimed its owner.

"That's a funny looking cat," huffed the caterpillar while folding its arms.

"Well, she was a cat, before she changed into this," Alice felt compelled to explain.

"Oh, yes, kind of like a werewolf."

"She is not like a werewolf, she isn't anything like a werewolf!"

"She's is, in fact, kind of like a werewolf. Let me spell it out for you,” said the caterpillar coolly. “She’s a…,” she took a hit from her hookah and blew smoke rings, which slowly formed into letters, “W e r e c a t”.

The letters hung in the air until Alice read them out loud, “Were cat? Do you mean to say that she was a cat? As cat is singular?”

“No, you stupid plant. She’s still very much a cat, a werecat. Look at her eyes,” she demanded.

Alice felt obliged to look. Her eyes did, in fact, contain have bright yellow crescent moons.

“Wonderland sure has changed since I came back,” Alice lamented.

“Wonderland? You’re not in Wonderland,” said the caterpillar.

"Why does everything and everyone have to change? I hate it," complained Alice.

"Well," the caterpillar started, "I think it would be shame for one not to change. For example, soon I shall be a butterfly."

"But it's so confusing!"

"I think it's absolutely clear," countered the caterpillar and disappeared through a thick veil of smoke.

Alice, not sure if the caterpillar was listening or even still there, said aloud, "If you're going to argue with me, then I'm just going to leave."

Alice looked towards the tall blades of grass and the mountains of tree stumps.
Alice didn't know which way to go, if she went straight, eventually she would end up in this very spot and she could do without the caterpillar.

Suddenly, Alice had a thought. "Excuse me, if you're still there, which mushroom will make me grow taller? Is it that one?" Alice pointed to a small pale, blue mushroom. She thought that one looked safe, as opposed to the colony of lime green and bright red polka dotted mushrooms, which looked uninviting and toxic.

Alice forgoes waiting for an answer from the caterpillar and takes a small piece of the pale, blue and eats as if it were a slice of tea cake.

"I wouldn't know, I haven't tried that one," the caterpillar takes another puff off the ornate hookah.

Alice ignores this delayed response and nibbles the mushroom until it's gone. Alice feels a tingly sensation, one that she was once familiar with, running from her toes up to her fingers. However, her perspective stayed the same.

The caterpillar announced, "That didn't do nothing."

Alice steps forward and leans her hands and her head on the toad stool.

"I think you mean to say, 'That it didn't do anything', as two negatives would make the sentence imply that something did happen. One negative cancels out the other, you know. I learned that in school,” Alice said haughtily, while happily swishing her tail back and fourth, thumping the toadstool that the caterpillar rested on.

"Kindly remove your tail," the caterpillar said with a stern face.

Confused, Alice noticed looked down and saw a tail. Alice followed the tip of the tail with her eyes and saw that it ended at her derrière. "I have a tail!" Alice shrieked.

"Didn't you have one before," the caterpillar asked.

Alice was flabbergasted. "You thought I was a flower before! What kind of a flower has a tail?!"

The caterpillar perked up and proudly answers, "I know! An Alice Flower!"

"That was a rhetorical question! A question that doesn't need an answer!" Alice turned her nose to the air, stumped away from the toad stool.

Alice, cheeks flushed crimson with embarrassment and anger, the cause namely being corrected numerous times by the caterpillar and now having a tail.

"I didn't know flowers could change their pigmentation," muttered the caterpillar, too quiet for Alice's ears to pick up. The caterpillar smoked and coughed at regular intervals before asking, "What is black and blue and blinks at night?"

Alice sat up as she was willing to change the mood of the conversation. "Oh, I love riddles," she exclaimed. "Um, let's see...blue and black...that blinks at night." Alice sat down on the ground, puzzled over the riddle for a several minutes. Alice threw her hands up in the air and said, "Oh, I give up! So tell me."

"Tell you what?" the caterpillar rudely demanded.

"Tell me what is black and blue and blinks just at night!"

"I don't know. Do you know?"

"What did you ask me a riddle that didn't have an answer!"

"It was a rhetorical riddle."

“There's no such thing!” Alice screamed with such rage that it nearly knocked the poor creature off its toadstool.

“Watch yourself," the creature warned but Alice was already moving on deeper into the woods. "'Tis a full moon tonight."

~end

Were post created for October Trix-n-Treatz by Crystal Johnson
© 2010. All rights reserved.



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by Crystal Johnson
~-~-~-~-~ guest ~-~-~-~-~


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8 comments:

  1. A *rhetorical* riddle is brilliant! Great guest post, I enjoyed Crystal's creative attention to detail.

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  2. Interesting caterpillar. He really has an attitude unlike any other.

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  3. Loved the caterpillar. He is definitely interesting.

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  4. He's right! rhetorical riddles do excist!
    It's a zen thing you know!

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  5. Rotfl!
    This story was creepy ( I wouldn't want to start changing like that)but hilarious too!!
    Hehe, what kind of flower has a tail? An Alice flower! rotfl!!

    Thanks for sharing!

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  6. At least she is surrounded by werecats and not wereskunks.
    twoofakind12@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete

 
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